They're Sagging and Lopsided. What Else is New?

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I just love how every woman on the planet seems to be OK with lopsided, sagging, deflated tits. I'm calling bullshit. Your either lying, have had 20+ years to come to terms with it, or don't actually have a serious asymmetrical problem. I thought I understood what it meant to be lopsided and sagging at the age 17. Lefty-loosey over here was a little bigger than righty-tighty when Oprah showcased that detrimental idea of what classified a sagging breast. All the test required was placing a pencil under your tit and seeing if you could hold it. Can you? Well congratulations! According to whatever prepubescent man-child that thought up that idea, because only a man would want to know how many school supplies his body could hold, you need a breast lift. So at 17 I was convinced that I needed a breast lift because lefty-loosey could hold a No.2 pencil. Little did I know those perfect C-cups were just that, perfect. 

Just 3 months into my pregnancy I had to say goodbye to those perfect C-cups, and just like the heart warming story of the Grinch, my chest also grew 3 sizes that day! The Grinch seemed pretty psyched about his enlargement, but that's a man for ya, and as you can imagine my husband was also pretty psyched that day. But let me tell you, it hurt like a mofo. I have never felt pain like that in my life and I didn't slip into an underwire for 2+ years. At the time my husband must have been wearing his boob goggles because all he could see were bigger breasts. You would have thought I paid to have this done! But the unfortunate truth is that the larger a woman gets naturally, and that quickly, its usually accompanied by stretch marks, sagging, drooping, and variations you never dreamed of. I mean who knew you nipples could just up and change sizes on you? Or that your areolas could go from nickle size to half dollars! Never mind that your other tit stayed the same, these bad boys hardly ever grow at the same rate. I suppose someone out there has said that your breasts should look like sisters, not twins. Well then my right tit is the sister who everyone believes was adopted and beat with the ugly stick. Instead of sisters they're more like Statler and Waldorf, the pair of old men who are critics from the Muppet Show! You know they belong together but they look nothing alike! 

I tried Oprah's little pencil trick the other day and now its the right breast that's the victor. I'm practically a trapper keeper at 4-5 pencils, and I'm sure if I really tried I could throw in a folder and a protractor. My husband still won't admit there is a difference, perhaps for his own safety and well being. Men just don't get it mostly because they don't face a similar issue and trust me I've tried explaining: 

Me: "What if you woke up one morning and your left ear was 2x the size of your right ear?"
DH: "I dunno that might be pretty cool."
Me: "Oh please you are so full of it."
DH: "Think about it, that's what I could be known for. The guy with the big ear."
Me: "Smart ass."

Of course my grandmother was quick to point out that I can hide my problem, an ear is a little different. And if you're wondering, yes men respond the same way if you use their balls as an analogy. They just don't care and view it more as an opportunity to get into Ripley's Believe it or Not!

So what's a girl to do? According to this lovely little article I found today at dirtytruthreviews my last option before getting surgery is to "massage the smaller breast only to increase its breast size." That's just a little ridiculous to me. Why would I want my smaller perkier tit to match the larger deflated one? If I want them to match I'll just take a rolling pin to my left tit and call it a day! More disheartening is the idea that I will just have to get use to having a semi-decent DD-cup on one side and a deflated, stretch mark scared DDD-cup on the other side. 5 years in and I'm still not happy, and if it took me 10 years to be happy with my perky C-cups. I can only imagine how long it will take to get use to Statler and Waldorf! But you won't see me in surgery anytime soon. At 5K or more, I'll be putting my money towards my education, cause with tits like these you've gotta have brains!

Lost 10 lbs on Keto, Now Onward to Zero Carb!

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I've been on the Keto Diet for almost 3 months now and lost 10 lbs in the first month. I kept track of everything that went into my mouth, and it was exhausting to say the least. I wanted very badly to eat whatever I liked but I couldn't kick the habit of counting macros along with calories. Eating however much I wanted didn't work for me, I had to use a keto calculator to determine how many grams of fat, protein, carbs, and fiber I should be getting within a set amount of calories. I worked very well at first but I was never able to get below a certain weight. Every once in a while I would dip a few more pounds only to find them back on a few days later, and I'm not one to fluctuate on the scale. So I continued to eat Keto because I enjoyed it and the few times I cheated, out of laziness not cravings, I felt terrible. However, I've experienced no further weight loss. Before you even say it I'll point it out, my BMI is perfect according to the CDC at 21.3. I am not overweight but that does not mean I feel my best, and no I'm not looking to be underweight. 

For a little throwback Thursday, this is me at 17 at 118 pounds with a BMI of 17.9 which isn't even on the scale. I wasn't trying to be that thin and was not longer anorexic. The day I gained 10 lbs was the proudest of my life. But this girl ate junk. I loaded up on carbs galore, and being a picky eater, ate mostly potatoes, rice, pasta, and bread. I could go a whole week without touching meat and even my vegetables were starchy, my ultimate favorite being peas. So I understood that skinny didn't equal healthy and healthy doesn't equal skin and bones. I have no desire to be 118 pounds again for multiple reasons but mostly I like wearing adult clothes and have no desire to shop in the junior department ever again! But I am disappointed that I couldn't reach my goal of 137, my pre-baby weight. The more I thought about it the more I realized I had felt uncomfortable at 137 as well. A nice 10 lb gain after meeting my husband and too many margaritas. So I've concluded that 127 with a BMI of 19 (a normal BMI) would suit me just fine, if only to motivate me to go until I'm comfortable. So now begins the journey of zero carbs.

I have no intention of being zero carb and eating only meat, eggs, and dairy for the rest of my life. I enjoy almost every fruit and vegetable on the planet and would give up that part of my diet for the rest of my life. But a short period of time couldn't hurt. Today was the first day and I am not eating the amount of meat that everyone else does. Its too much! So I'm not sure if that will affect me but I can't imagine sitting down to a meal and eating 3 burgers in one sitting. I also have no intention of working my way up to that. I will say this though, I'm so glad I found Keto and am finally free of my carb cravings! Its great! So I don't see myself going through this short stint of ZC and falling off the wagon because I can't have bread or pasta. Once I'm where I'm happy I will slowly reintroduce fruits and veggies with a carb limit of 15 g where I was before. Maybe 30 g if I can handle it. But for now let the Zero Carb journey begin!

Tasty Shopping in Denver

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Last summer I had to opportunity to stop and stay a night in Denver, to and from Durango. So on our way back we stayed in the Capital Hill District . We were able to rent a very nice one bedroom apartment for $76 using airbnb. Check out the end of this post for my $25 off coupon for airbnb. Anyways, before we even started our trip I scouted out cool places to shop and eat. Since we were only staying one night, each time we passed through town, I wanted to make sure we did as much as we could. When I found The Truffle Cheese Shop  I couldn't wait to go and both my husband and I are huge cheese fanatics.

The Truffle Cheese Shop

The Truffle Cheese Shop is located on E 6th Ave in Denver and we found a parking spot right away.

The selection was out of this world and I felt like I was back in Europe!

They had dried pastas, spreads, chocolates, sodas, and macaroons. Basically everything for a picnic!

Even the picnic basket to carry it all in. But our main objective was cheese.

And boy did they have plenty of it! More than I could ever hope to try but my husband had his share.

I can happily say that the money we saved on a hotel room was put to good delicious use.

And we took our bread, olives, cheese, and pepperoni back to the apartment for our evening cap. I'm happy to say we were able to transport our purchase back home with a cooler. It was a 10 hour trip and everything, with ice of course, fared very well. 

Apothecary Tinctura

It just so happened that right next to The Truffle Cheese Shop was the Apothecary Tinctura. To say that I'm a tea enthusiast would be putting in lightly. So when I saw this place I had to check it out.

They had bath and body products, essential oils, diffusers, pre-made teas, all in a inviting atmosphere.

The big win for me was there awesome selection of loose herbs for tea making. I went overboard, to say the least, and next time I hit up a spot like this I'm bringing a list! The prices were very reasonable and I've made some excellent tea combinations since.

You can see on the counter I was already building a large stash.

So I came home a very happy girl and even found some Lavender Water to use as a facial toner or to add to my tea. 

If you aren't already signed up for airbnb give it a go because it will save you a good amount of money. This is my link for $25 off when you sign up HERE. That's how I got our rental for $76 was by using another users link.