Moms Should Be Better Friends

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Moms Should Be Better Friends

I can't bring myself to accept the notion that mother's make terrible friends or that its okay to be a bad friend because you are a mother. It seems to be a change that everyone expects, and adheres to, that once you have children you forgo having children. Yet the men continue to have social lives and why wouldn't they if they have a free and willing babysitter already at home? Most men don't ask permission to continue having friends my husband certainly didn't. After our daughter was born my husband continued to be on a bowling league, go and watch the basketball games, attend movies, hang out with friends, etc. I'm not going to lie, I really resented him for it. I felt stuck with our daughter and really wanted social experiences as well. I mainly got those occasions when our daughter was with my parents for a weekend but I learned to start taking her with me to meet up with friends. It could be very trying and stressful sometimes but I made the effort. 

I can happily say that nowadays my husband and I have a much better balance of responsibility and he takes our daughter out for movie and dinner dates on the weekend. During the week if I want to go out without her I have to hire a sitter but I happily welcome it. Ideally I prefer to have another mom over so we can visit and the kids can play but I've found that other mothers flake on me and I'm the one who always has to extend the invitation. People without children value me more as a friend and they show that through their words, actions, and communication. They are happy to see me, invite to things, and make time for me. 

When you have children and push your friends to the side you are telling them they are no longer of value to you. If I get pushed to the side until your children are school age then we weren't really friends. Ask me to help watch the kids, go to the park, help with the house, start an organizing project, or sit and gossip during nap time. Don't sideline me and expect me to come around when you decide I'm worth your time 3-5 years later. Having had kids myself I will not understand because my child is not the center of my universe. I desire and deserve friends and time to myself. I can have exactly what my husband enjoys which is an active social life. 

Some women will say they are too busy and all I have to say is that you prioritize what you value. If you want to raise children, have a family, but no social life then do that but don't expect your friends to come running back because now you have the time. It's not fair to them and frankly its not fair to you to deprive yourself. Take turns going out with your spouse or pick one night a month where you both go out and hire a sitter. There is always a way to make things happen when you really want something. Start a sitting circle with your mom friends so that you each can go out one night a week or once a month. One night you watch her kids and the other she watches yours so you don't have to pay anyone but both get to enjoy your other friends. It's always possible. So let's start being better friends ladies.